As Soon As The Teaser For The Last Ever Episode of The Grand Tour Dropped, We Were Totes Emosh
We knew it was coming.
It’s been a long time coming.
Longer even than those relentless rumours of an Oasis reunion finally being confirmed.
And when the news we’d all been hoping wasn’t true arrived, we knew we’d be left with no alternative other than to simply roll with it.
Yup, Amazon Prime recently firmed up the mongerer’s gossiping once and for all.
Cementing our suspicions.
Officially revealing the worst kept secret in TV history. That The Grand Tour with Messrs Clarkson, May and Hammond at the tiller, has reached its natural conclusion.
The end game was very much in sight.
And that the impending next episode was indeed, the very last outing we’d see of the famous three in CARhoots.
We appreciate this build-up will irk those who believed that the Top Gear alumni should have retired their car show special suitcases a while back, citing the motions they thought they were semi-adventuring through.
But we don’t care much for their opinions to be fair.
Instead, allow us the comfort of wallowing in nostalgia one last debuting time, while the rest of you tune into the latest gripping instalment of Olivia Attwood’s 'Bad Boyfriends' over on ITVX.
TV’s Motoring Juggernaut Bar None
At its peak, The Grand Tour’s televisual blueprint and precursor, Top Gear attracted an unprecedented 350 million viewers every week, globally.
And as Richard Hammond said in an interview of late, the journey had to end sometime and somewhere. The time being now, the ‘where’ being Zimbabwe, as it turned out. Bringing the trio’s globe-trotting full African circle of sorts, as they once more also journey through Botswana.
Hammond: “We’d always said we wanted it to end at a moment, in a place, in a manner of our choosing.” He added; “Because it kind of took off almost beyond our control. We were just making our car show. Next thing we know it’s absolutely enormous. So we couldn’t really control the take off.”
Hammond concluded his flying analogy by saying; “But we could control the landing, and we wanted it on our own terms.”
The Writings In The Sand
After two decades of entertaining the motoring masses with their epic circumnavigating of the globe, the instantly recognisable threesome are parting company with both this particular televisual format and each other.
At least, professionally.
And amicably, we hasten to add.
All three have gone on to carve out successful solo forays in recent years, whether in the arena of farming, culinary or classic car restoration. The latter being more familiar territory for Richard Hammond, when compared to Jeremy Clarkson’s surprisingly agricultural endeavours and James May’s kitchen dabblings.
Although the latter has arguably made more of a stab at further galavanting in the shape of his humorous and occasional TV travelogues than the food-based side hustle.
The end was always nigh, we’re not stupid.
All good things must be put out to graze, we get that. And familiarity has certainly bred contempt from those who habitually took pot shots at the entertainment-savvy triumvirate.
Plus, Clarkson now has a pub to run.
Yet now that it’s very much real, and it's common knowledge that this Zimbabwe episode will be their final outing together, the tissues are already on standby.
It’s Going To Be Emotional
For me, personally, both Top Gear and then latterly, The Grand Tour have been there at moments in my life where I desperately needed a friend.
A constant, dependable friend during times of emotional soul searching.
As a freelancer before I took up my WCC tenure I worked remotely. A lonely existence, and with only my loyal canine bestie curled up on the sofa next to me for vast chunks of the working day.
So Dave Channel and its seemingly infinite loop of TG repeats served as something of a lifeline. It quickly got to the point where I could pre-empt almost every Richard Porter-scripted line, hinting at a borderline obsessive. If I were to have appeared on Mastermind my specialist subject would have been Top Gear, the Clarkson Years, without hesitation.
I introduced my (then) very young and impressionable nephew to Clarkson, May and Hammond’s shenanigans which immediately became his favourite thing ever. More so than the local park and gaming thereafter. He would make me pause and rewind countless parts of each episode of the TG specials and The Grand Tour, just to relive comical junctures over and over again.
One of my work colleagues here at WCC has known nothing other than first TG, then TGT, as he’s only been on the planet for two decades and a bit.
These three perma-middle-aged men have been a touchpoint to a generation and then some. We never tire of their predictable antics, for the simple reason we’re car people.
But we’re not just car people. We want to be entertained in a way that Robbie Williams can only dream of.
One For The Road
So, what do we know ahead of this sentimental swansong for one of TV’s most enduring treble-acts?
Other than it’s another Africa special.
A previously rich source for Top Gear and The Grand Tour. Indeed, who can forget Oliver.
The premise of this last show is relatively straightforward. And seemingly formulaic, of course.
Why after all fix something that’s not so much broken, but perhaps more in need of a well-earned rest according to some.
Choosing to ignore the wishes of producer-and-instructions-giver, Andy Wilman, the three travel to Zimbabwe in cars they’re always expressed a desire to own.
Notably a Lancia Montecarlo, a 3-litre Ford Capri and a Triumph Stag. We don’t have to glance down the page from where we’re extracting this information to know which car belongs to who.
The final destination for their emotionally-wrought send off is a strangely familiar island according to the episode synopsis. We will divulge no more.
Largely because we know no more until you do, and all is revealed this evening.
Or Friday the 13th of September 2024 if you’ve just discovered this time capsule some time in the future.
Although SPOILER ALERT, it’s actually Kubu Island in Botswana’s Makadikadi Salt Flats. But that’s all we’re saying.
An Enduring Legacy
Whilst it’s doubtless going to be a difficult watch for those of us with an unhealthy attachment to a poky motoring programme, think what it was like for the main men.
Voicing his emotions and general thoughts on the culmination of 22 years of boy’s own automotive adventures, May recently told a podcaster the following.
May; “I recorded today the last piece of voiceover I will ever record for The Grand Tour, and therefore in the whole legacy of Grand Tour, Top Gear and the few things I did before that.” He went on to add; “We’ve done it for nearly 22 years - a lot longer than we thought we would. I thought when I started doing it in 2003 or 2004 that this was a bit of a laugh. Maybe it’ll last a few years. And here we are, grey and wizened and sagging. And we’ve only just stopped doing it. It’s quite remarkable.”
That it is, yet it’s testament to the enduring appeal of two programmes that were - and will always remain - synonymous with Clarkson, May and Hammond. Their easiness, relatability, witticisms and unequivocal on-screen chemistry can’t be bottled.
It just can’t. And nor should it be.
Clarkson the unelected leader was the lovable buffoon with a passion for speed and an infectious enthusiasm for wind ups.
May the fiddler and sage lent a considered air to proceedings, whilst the affable Hammond was the housewife’s favourite like an outsider in the Grand National. As well as presenting as the stooge to the other two on many occasions, he tried in vain to dial down Clarkson’s verbose outbursts to little if not comic avail.
Visiting all four corners of our planet in probably the most inappropriate vehicles they could have chosen, the mishaps and camaraderie were juxtaposed to televisual perfection.
Controversy was never far away, more especially when Clarkson opened his motormouth, however this was routinely usurped by the sheer magnificence of the cinematography which became a benchmark for automotive journalism.
Clarkson, Who Else, Gets The Last Word
This finale of The Grand Tour is the send-off they richly deserved but were cruelly denied courtesy of one of the triumvirate’s ill-advised frustrations which spilled over in a North Yorkshire hotel and resulted in the sudden and unceremonious demise of a motoring institution.
Despite protestations to the contrary from those who believe that their successors carried the torch with even a semblance of the charisma and screen presence of Clarkson, May and Hammond.
The final, poignant words should be Clarkson’s.
The visionary and architect of the incarnation of Top Gear which changed everything. Along with his long-time friend, collaborator and of course, producer; Andy Wilman.
The double act who pitched a new format which energised what was before a very parochially-paced TV magazine programme reporting on the more practical side of motoring.
As seen through the lens of all our dads and uncles.
Speaking ahead of the show, Clarkson mused; “Years ago there was a contract renewal, and we just said. OK. We’ll do one more go, three years and then we’ll end it.”
Of course that didn’t happen.
Clarkson continued; “Because we knew we had driven cars further and higher, and in more difficult places than anyone else and we were starting to think what else can you do with your car? And so that had a big bearing on it.”
After disclosing how conflicts in locations around the globe in which they’d previously visited had since become more inhospitable in the intervening years (meaning timely returns would never be on the cards), Clarkson delivered the most Clarkson of soundbites in his own inimitable style.
Quipping; “So we’ve run out of things to do and we’ve run out of places to go. And I was fat.”
And that as they say, is a wrap.
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